Shayleemomo: Iwonder what the taste of the grass at the bank taste like?
Shayleemomo: I am curious what the grass there taste like? Go near the site, and pull it out, put in the mouth, yuck, it is bitter and it have a four taste, I need to wash my mouth? Yuk2......
Nurturing? - Like other ‘lack of nurturing ‘children, I too have a very busy pair of parents, and they do not know how to play, come to think of it. Luckily, I lived in a big bungalow house which has 14 tenants, including mine and I have a lot of childhood friends. But I still missed my parents psychologically.
Shayleemomo: Phlox, can I sit on you right?
Shayleemomo: closed eyes and listen to the sweet melody from OFO flute,
Shayleemomo: Open eyes, head turn to OFO, I am Shaylee, call me SL, how do you do?
Shayleemomo: OFO not to be nervous, we don’t bit..... hehehe.
It has been the 3rd time I went into Chatango but I still felt safer to sit with Phlox, it can protect me with it's wings
Shayleemomo: I also have family, me and my bossy mum.
Shayleemomo: Well even being here with new friends, why am I worried about my mum?Shayleemomo: Hei OFO, may be you can play one song for me, I will closed my eye and meditate.
Shayleemomo: Thanks, OFO, the music really touch my heart. Sigh.... Sigh..... I missed my mummy.
Shayleemomo: Small tears rolling down my eyes...... Why must I always argue with her? I should have let it be, sometimes. Mummy I missed you.....
About my mum, where shall I start, my childhood she only knew how to control me with the cane, whenever wrong that I have she will bring out the cane. After my dad passed away, she had many failed relationships towards my teen and even after my marraige. Only the last one, lasted until he passed away, 5 years ago, and the relationship was not a pleasant one, he was a wife beater, possessive man, despite it she still stick to him, and my family and myself have to endure all this.
I know that she is old now, infact I have given all the best that I think she needs to have. But sometimes, her nagging was too much for me to bear and made me mad, and I will answer back. But lately, I have been very patient with her, I have tried to be better with her. I, too need to come to term with her, let go of the pass and hold her hand and walk forward, towards the remaining days that have left for her.
Oh, why must this comes out in Chatango? Is this the reason, I am there to search for the key to unlock the heart of mine to forgive and forget?
(At this moment, my tears keep on flowing down....sigh....sigh)
I am touched by your honesty and sincerity to share this with me/us openly which we would rather not talk about it. It really takes a lot of courage from you to be vulnerable before us, and I think this is the gift from the unconscious, to help us to pursue on a journey of reconcilation and peace, which we alone cannot do it without helpers around. Helpers come in various form and shapes and sizes and as we embark on the journey of the Hero(es), which we have already started, may we continue to give support to one another,in one way or another, and that we may harvest treasures for the good of ourselves and the community and society where we are. Take courage and everything will be well, and all manner of things will be well.
ReplyDeleteVery touch by your sharing; If there is time to just stand and stare I wander what can be different and what makes it different(dr. Ng's Sol. focus input)how can this shift be applied elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteMelinda, thank you for your sharing, any healing process begins with the capacity to tell a story, especially a painful story that we may have believe that need to be kept in the 'shadows' all this time because we somehow think that if the world get to know the 'our imperfectness' as mere mortals we somehow may shatter the illusion that we have come to created to protect the 'ego' of a 'self' that is illusory and limiting and prevents us from seeing beyond into the vast expanse of our being. As Elaine puts it, to be vulnerable is to put ourselves in the 'yin' state to receive and be 'graced' by the Dao which is why I suppose humility and inconsequentialness are prized attributes to cultivate in melting the 'egocentricness' of our mind. What may help is to remember each of us have to make our own individual 'karmic journeys' even if they happen to be our mothers, wifes, husband, sons and daughters etc we cannot take the journey for them. They will have to walk their own paths. The peace that we seek is not with them, it is always with ourselves. It may be helpful to think beyond a model which is not just about an equation of rewards and punishment or else we will always ask why do bad things happen to good people? why me? etc. For me, I attempt to live life just as it is, and thus reduces a lot of unnecessary 'mental' attachments or aversions, not to say I am there as yet but nevertheless a useful guiding principle for now.
ReplyDeleteAs the therapeutic process goes, you can't prevent what needs to emerge from our subconscious or unconscious which is why I mentioned 'timing' when our psyche is ready and prepared, our psychic energy constellate its patterns in response to conditions which are conducive to the forming of such patterns, thus we have synchronistic dreams, imageries, meetings of people, drawing closer to certain activities, etc that seems to bring about what is the process of unfolding. May not make much sense now but as you stay with it the clarity seems to emerge with time. LIke your story 6 PSM and the current Hero's Journey.